WISDOM Wednesday: Second Date©

This story written by Malati Marlene Shinazy

It’s spring, almost summer… there’s lot of events to do outside: Live Concerts, Shakespeare in the Park, Arts & Craft Shows, and Car Shows.

It’s also the time you see cute couples everywhere.  Some they are not so cute.  But still, they are everywhere.   My cadre of single girlfriends and I all want to be a member of one of those couples – (only one of the cute couples).

That means: DATING.  Dating for a baby boomer woman is a process that often falls somewhere between having a second job and flinging oneself under a train that has just derailed with cars full of chlorine.  It takes some effort, sometimes a lot of effort.  And, sometimes it’s a total HazMat level disaster.

On occasion, dating it’s an efficient way to fill the pipeline with a list of helpers for next winter’s home repair projects.  Tip: Date a master electrician, not someone whose first career was shoe sales, completed his mid-life crisis, and is now an electrician’s helper.

In Paying Attention, I described the perfect, mouth-watering first date  – the one’s we don’t want to end.  Those are dates that are sure to yield a second walk-on-the beach date, or a third date, called the  “Want to come over for dinner tomorrow?” date … Since I don’t cook, that luscious lure would be uttered by my date.

Most often, there are googolplex numbers of first dates that yield  – well, nothing.  There is no second or third date.  Indeed, there’s no second thought of a second date, or of the person after the first date ends.  They may not be horrible experiences, just not second datable experiences.

At lunch, my girlfriends and I generated a long list of reasons we wouldn’t go on a second date with a man… The items on the list were as varied as the women at the table.

Here are a few items on our “There Won’t Be a Second Date” list:

  • I was bored (this one’s mine)
  • It made me crazy when he continuously used verbal fillers like: “like,” “yea, yea,” “um,” “uh”
  • I couldn’t stand how he spoke with his mouth full
  • He talked only about himself / his car/ his ex …
  • He dressed like a slob
  • He dressed like an dandy
  • He dressed like an aristocrat
  • 50 +/- other reasons

During this rapid fire of idiosyncratic elimination factors, I offered,

“I didn’t like the way he smelled.”

Eureka!  We finally found one upon which we all agreed …  There were variations of this rejection criterion, but we concurred on the basics.  Sometimes, the possibility of a second date was determined by simple mammalian olfactory perception.

Spring is here.  Couples are everywhere.  Single women are dating in hopes they too might become one of the cute couples by summer.  And, this group of now-smarter baby boomer women have just replace the old adage, “Stop and smell the flowers “ with, “Stop and smell the man.

photo by kkirugi

10 Responses to WISDOM Wednesday: Second Date©

  1. Jocelyn Swanson

    There is a study out about the smell of people–it can draw you in or push you away. The slacker guy who was with our niece for 8 years told her mom he didn’t like the smell of our niece. He didn’t give her a chance to find out what his was as it would take 4-5 showers every day!

    • Jocelyn- The sense of smell is so primal. We can’t “think our way out of it.” – ms

  2. We grow up as smelly little boys, and most of us kind of like it that way. It is sometimes hard to change.

    • Malati Marlene Shinazy

      Roberto – I think it has nothing to do with cleanliness or sweatiness. I may be wrong but I think scent is registered in an old part of the brain. We can’t “think” whether or not we like it. We just do or we don’t. – ms

  3. Bob Millavec

    Sooo…..as a guy, how do I know whether I “smell” delicious or otherwise??
    Come on ladies. Give us some help here.

    • Malati Marlene Shinazy

      Bob – Ask? First a woman friend. Then the woman you plan to go out with… After that, I think it’s luck of the draw … assuming standard habits of hygiene. – ms

  4. I recently heard of two women friends in their late 60’s who are dating men they found on an online dating site………………..yeesh, I don’t think so. But then again if I was drawn to their “fragarent appeal” I might change my mind. I got a chuckle out of this good story.

    • Malati Marlene Shinazy

      Thanks Bobbi – Sounds a bit like the “Scratch N Sniff” stories I use to tell my kids when they were little. LOL – ms

  5. Michael King

    The last time I had a date, we had a sandwich in a parklike
    setting and I made sure I was downwind just in case LOL !

    Glad this blog finally came together for you Malati 🙂
    LOOKS GOOD!!!!

    • Malati Marlene Shinazy

      Thanks, Michael. BOBB is the brainchild of my sister, (we share last names)… I enjoy contributing toward the success of her endeavor. — mms