Battling eyebrows with Shinazy
Somewhere in the back of our mind we know this to be true – our eyebrows conspire against us. Without us noticing, they set-up base camp above our sunglasses and below our caps. They conduct surveillance on everything we see and everyone we talk with. Every time we look in a mirror . . . there they are, mocking us. We need to be alert because our eyebrows have an agenda.
For our eyebrows to carryout their plan they have an arsenal of strategies; one is the art of subterfuge. As boomers, we wonder: why is it our eyebrow hairs start to grey, appearing to fade away, just when we’re having difficulty focusing our near vision? Even when we’re wearing cheater glasses, our eyebrows play peek-a-boo.
To counter this evasive maneuvering, I commandeered a Magnification 20 Assault Mirror to ambush my eyebrows. It’s a small mirror, no need to see the wrinkles resembling the Grand Canyon, which is another boomer issue, but I digress. Eyebrows are cunning, even after I assault them with tweezers, ensnaring every visible hair – or so I think – I sometimes discover a spy. If I’m in the right light, at the right angle, what do I see but a single hair, a banner flapping in the breeze.
Score 1 for the eyebrows.
Another strategy in the eyebrow’s tactical master plan: as hair on my head thins, the hairs in my eyebrows grow to become Amazons.
Eyebrows 2, me 0.
For a few folks eyebrows are allies. My granddaddy never trimmed his eyebrows – he never engaged in the Eyebrow Wars. As a child, I would twist his eyebrows into pointed peaks or divide them into little spires. This action never lost its sense of amusement.
My Aunt Judy was swift and decisive; during the 1940s she conquered her eyebrows and annihilated them. Not a hair remained. Today, in her late 80’s she can draw perfectly matching arches.
Rather than a pencil, my weapon of choice is eyebrow mascara – I’m always armed and ready. I can unify the patches of grey hair into the patches of dark brown hair, camouflaging the tiny calico mascots standing ever vigilant just above my eyes.
Like wisdom teeth, eyebrows have outlived their purpose. As the human species evolves and Homo Sapiens 2.0 is released, I vote to eliminate eyebrows. It is time for eyebrows to stand-down.
photos courtesy Myki Roventine and janetmck